Worthless

During this Christmas Season, let’s not forgot to pray for those in prison. After all, the Bible tells us to remember those in prison as if we were in prison as well (see Hebrews 13:3).

One of my friends in maximum security came me this poem today (Friday, December 21, 2018). He is serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole. He was a minor when he received that sentence. An incredibly cruel injustice! He has been locked up for thirteen years. He has been in maximum security, locked down twenty-three hours a day in a single person cell, about the size of a walk-in closet, for four years. His pen name is Rylee. The poem is personal, honest, and transparent. He titled this poem, WORTHLESS. I print it here with his permission.

WORTHLESS

It’s so much more than freedom that I’ve lost

That one word doesn’t begin to describe the cost

Took the life of a beautiful wonder

Tore my family completely asunder

Lost the right to move as I want

Every night the ghosts come out to haunt

Every day the memories in my head taunt

I pray for them to leave, but they won’t

I’ll never again know the love of a girl

I am no longer any part of that world

Filled with longings that can’t be satisfied

So many holes that will never be filled inside

All these memories that I can’t take

I pray for the end I’m too weak to make

Nothing to gain, I can only lose

No matter what I choose to do

So sick of it all

But it’s my own fault

I never had a clue, couldn’t realize

Now that I do, it’s too late to rectify

If I could only erase my birth

This would’ve been a better Earth

It doesn’t matter how I hurt

Now how much that I’ve learnt

All my bridges have been burnt

And my life no longer has worth

I can never get back to a life worth living

No chance for parole, no chance to ever be forgiven

Lost my youth, the most magical time of our lives

It’s the truth, and the pain only keeps growing inside

Never to have kids, never to have a wife

Never anything to make it worth being alive

That’s what they say I deserve

That my life has no worth

I can believe it all too well

I feel like I’m already in hell

Not a chance to reform

No good deeds to perform

No fruits of life for me to taste

Shut away as my life goes to waste

Never again to know the magic of love

Never again to even see the stars above

So yes, I’ve continued to sink lower and lower in my abyss

Hoping to drown, because there’s no climbing out of this

So if you think you understand, I’m tell you that you’re wrong

I’m living it, and every day it gets worse; there’s nowhere I belong

I’m not part of there, I cannot stand it in here

And now that it’s too late, I can see it all so clear

I can’t change the past; and my future is set in stone

Feeling regret, pain, and loneliness in every single bone

And not a damned bit of it does anything to atone

I’m stuck here to live and die; lost, hurting, and all alone

__________________________________________

If this poem moves you, and you would like to write Rylee a note of love and encouragement, please comment on this post, and I will copy it and get them to him.

Thank you.

 

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